I just gave my life to Jesus. I've been a Christian for a while, if by "Christian" you mean someone who goes to church and does all the right motions and calls himself a Christian without really comitting to anything or letting Christ into my personal life (taking it in vain, by definition), but it's all been an act--little-to-no substance. Perhaps I should say I've comitted to give my life to Jesus, because I suriously doubt it'll be an overnight process. Please do not bear with me. Please smack me upside the head if I even start to backslide a little. And ask me questions--there's so much I didn't know I didn't know. o.0

*spam* Hilo! Crazy cougar here, just letting you know that All Fur Fun (Spokane's Furry Convention) is undergoing a pretty comprehensive overhaul in an effort to make it a bigger, better, nicer convention for everyone. Part of that is clearing a little bit of debt so they can file for non-profit status. Mursa kindly donated some origional paintings, which are being auctioned off! AFF is awesome, by far my favorite furry convention anywhere, so bid on this:

http://www.furbid.ws/cgi-bin/auction/item.pl?item=232354095

*/spam* :-3

supershort, typing on handhld (jari+stylus=faail)...my friend sometimes gets inexplicably sullen. i always think its omething i didd though its prolly not--hard to tell because any attepts to communicate ge angry monosyllabic answers and/or storming off. in short im afraid to talk to him. i bring it up cause maybe you know someone like this.? what should i do? how i tell him i care, its okay to confide in me, or if rather not, i happy to help in whatever way? even moving boxes or delivering meals…

Hilo! This is just a friendly announcement saying that I'm moving in two weeks (dunno where to yet!), so anything sent in my general direction on or after today (9/2/09) will not reach me before The End. Email still works, but please try to refrain from sending me fan mail, letters of undying love, gifts of adoration, and/or early Christmas presents by snail mail until I get situated wherever I'm headed. :-3

On a completely unrelated side note, hugs are totally emailable. :-3



*hugs and love yah*

I've been arrogant, rude, short-temprered, and angry towards everyone around me this year. I'm deeply ashamed of my behavior, and I have no excuse. I'll try my hardest to do better. Please forgive me.

( Status Report )
I've rambled long enough. I really, really miss all you kids. We should totally hang out sometime. If you feel like swinging by the lodge we could do lunch. The burgers are pretty good if you drown them in barbecue sauce. This offer extend to a certain fox, too. :-3

When I first saw this meme going around a while ago, I think they had something a bit different in mind, but still, I couldn't pass this up...

10 Things I Wish I Could Say to 10 People

1. What? No! This isn't possible! I am invincible! This...can't...be....oh, okey, there we go! Much better! Problem solved!

2. First I want to say that I am both honored and humbled that you have elected me to -- oh forget this--bow to your new supreme emperor, peasants!

3. Oooooh! So THAT'S why they told me never to push the big red button!

4. Nine-One-One, please state the nature of your emergency? Actually, could you hold on a minute? Pinkie Pie is about so save Dream Castle....

5. Could we get a cleanup crew to Aisle 4 for a wet spill? Oh, and bring a plunger. And a Geiger counter.

6. Hah! That's hilarious! I thought people only did stuff like that in movies! You're so totally fired for that, but thanks for the laugh! I'll take your badge now.

7. Sir, I'm going to take my lunch break now. I might be gone a while. Oh, and there's a Mr. Laden here to see you....

8. Actually, it's kinda funny, ma'am...now that you mention it, I really DON'T care about your problems.

9. We have, your honor. We the jury find the defendant guilty on all counts and further recommend that they be burned at the stake forthwith. BURN THEM! BURN THEM ALL!

10. You want to talk to my manager? Well sure I could arrange that, but first, would you please sign this waiver and make sure your emergency medical contact information is current? Do you have your will up to date? Would you like to call your spouse one last time? You may use my phone....

Good job, cougar. You've gone and done something stupid again. You know better. Dog and cats, eh? Even a kitten knows that much....
*sigh* So I've gone and hurt someone I really care about. At least, I think I have. The person in question hides it well, but...well, I'd be hurt, if our positions were reversed. Quiet, pensive, refusing to think of certain things, trying to pretend things are different. Trying to live a lie. That's what's happening. That's what my dear friend is doing. That's what I've driven them to.
Rubs your cheek and claws your face.
I guess I'm still me. At the end of the day, after all the scenes have been acted out and all the moves made, all the plans laid and the promises broken, I'm still just Jari. The Flitter. I thought I knew things. I thought things could be different. I thought that maybe, just this once. But, well, through ignorance we mistake, through mistakes we learn. And then we can say we should have known better.
The biggest lie is trust. It teases your guard down, and then....

|/stream of conscious|

In summary (read: English): to a very dear and wonderful friend. More than that, to one of my family: I'm very sorry that things couldn't be different. I'm sorry that what could have been, what might have been, what we might have liked to have been, perhaps even what should have been, couldn't actually be. I'm sorry.
But it's not the end. It's never the end. No, It's only begun.

Here's my latest excuse for not being around: I'm now working 12-16 hour days with no days off. New at 11. Or whenever I can. It may be awhile. Sorry. :( *hugs and loves you all*

PS. Someone came into the gift shop yesterday asking for a map of Nebraska. "Unfortunately no, sir. We're in Alaska, not Nebraska." "...so you don't have them then?"

My roommate's been really depressed-acting the last few days. I think it's partially sheer furstration with work--being yelled at all day long is not an easy job--but he refuses to talk about it. So I'm not sure if I'm not just picking up on things that aren't really there, or what. And, of course, I must assume it's my fault because of his hesitence to talk about it (the universe revolves around me, after all). I'm just really worried for him--I want him to have a great time in Alaska, but, well, I'm always at work. I'm not a very good roommate, I guess. :(

All Fur Fun was a fantastic convent?on! I got to meet all kindsa furs t?at I?ve always been meaning to. I fully

expected attend?nce to be down because we changed hotels and dates (by a full month) this year (and also because of

the economic climate) but I was totally wrong, All Fur fun seems to be holding a steady percentage growth rate wit?

(aprox) 200 attendees this year. We had around 50 fursuits (25% fursuits is an insa?ely good rate for a furry

convention of any size), which meant I was running around ?ike a crazy cougar taking pictures of everything with my

brand new camer?.
Proudly, I was part of the AFF staff this year, which has totally been a life goal for me (and a random side note:

As a direct result of this convention I recieved a personal apology form my very favoritest author for postpon?ng

another my life goal of mine). I got to see a side of fu?ry conventions I?ve never seen before, the behind the

scenes chaos side (I call it th? underwater side), so my opinion of how things went is biased too much towards both

?it was amazing? and ?it was a comedy o? disasters?. What did you think? How?d it go? What should we do for next

year? I?ve already got a gazillion ideas for how to make next year even more amazing, but I?m always open to m?re!

Highlights from AFF 2009 included (but were by no means limited to) Michael J Fox going for an impromtu swim an?

dozens of helpful con-goers trying to hide Wolffur and myself from hotel staff as we glued the exit sign ?ack to the

ceiling.

Sorry this is short, choppy, and likely mispelled. I?m stranded in the middle of nowhere, Alaska, without int?rnet. I?m posting this message via smoke signals relayed (hopefully) to so?eone who has internet access. I?ll post my pictu?es and maybe post again once I can juryrig internet access from my den. Email is sti?l the best way to get ahold of me unless you?re much better at smoke sig?als than I am.

?love?
Jari

Hiya kids! Your local crazy camera cougar Jari here! Spokane's furry convention, All Fur Fun, are you going? *hopes to see ALL of you*
You'll pri see me and my camera there, but not until it's too late! *ninja flash, innocent grin* Howdy at me if you see me, m'kay? And poke me 'till I answer. :-3

PS. It's pronounced Jar-ee, and if you yell it loud enough, I'll either come running or (more likely) look around in confusion until you find me. :-3

Okey. I've been hanging around canines for too long. WAAAAY too long, to react like this. I've never felt this kind of intense, concentrated sort of feeling before. Well, I have, but not this particular one. I'm not even sure what to call it. Kind of a heart-in-your-throat all-your-fur-standing-on-end rush of heat that has me trembling and my tummy full of butterflies the size of small planets that keep trying to crawl out into the rest of me.
Here's what happened (paraphrased):
Hey Jari? Who's your favorite author again?
Me: Clare Bell, author of the Named series and my favorite book of all time, Ratha's Creature.
Check the "Who's Going" list for AFF--is that the one?
That's when I got the feeling. I dropped what I was doing and jumped to the AFF page so fast I probably did damage to the server. :-3 The final clicks were really hard because I was trembling so much, and I had to stop and take a couple deep breaths and reassure myself that it probably wasn't her, that there was surely more than one Ratha in the world. But there's only one rathacat; it was her. *cue cougar explosion*
I had to fight with everything in me the urge to go running around in little circle screaming happy explicatives and/or wetting myself. Even now, I'm fighting hard to hold on to enough normalcy to write this. I'm ashamed, I really am, that I should react this way about anything or anyone, especially something so objectively trivial as a favorite author that I don't know at all, personally. Beyond normal idolatry, anyways. :-3 So, ummmm, beware world, the Jari the fanboi has been unleashed! Ms. Bell, I'm REALLY sorry in advance for drooling. o.0

Yay happy news! The Lead Photographer for AFF contacted me just a little while ago to let me know a camera had been secured for my use at the convention. Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyy I'll feel whole again! :-3

UPDATE: Double-whammy! I found out just moments ago that I can almost certainly attend Rainfurrest, too! *explodes from happy serendipity*

If you are or know of a family living in or near Seattle, you might be able to take advantage of this....

http://www.oregonlive.com/news/index.ssf/2009/04/idaho_plans_online_show_to_pro.html

Heh, I sound like a commercial! It's legit, and showed up in the local paper this morninh. :-3

( Read more... )

So what do you think? Did I describe myself accurately? what goals do you think I need/what do you think I need to change? Any advice would be greatly appriciated!

Because I felt this was important enough to warrant its own post....

Over the millennia (okay, perhaps not so long, but it sure feels like it sometimes) I've learned to draw on the hormonal energy of testosterone and use it for creative ends (such as musing about this very thing), because left unmanaged, it can cause me all kinds of trouble. You'd (or at leat I'd) think testosterone would be spiky and abrasive like adrenaline, but it's not, it's soft and fuzzy and cuddly. It's filled with its own energy, but it's not the direct, powerful adrenaline-sort; it's softer, more diffuse, more of an undirected energy that's merely present, expressing itself in original thoughts and ideas, in Creative Energy, if you will. It's the force that makes the lines that come out of my pencil shape themselves into a picture, and the intelligence that brings the right words to bear when I'm writing. But above all else, I think it feels warm and gentle.
Random musing there, I know, but it does beg a question... What does testosterone (or estrogen, if it's more applicable) feel like to you? I imagine it's different for everyone....

To a friend...

Ever had something you really wanted to say to someone, but you just couldn't work up the courage? Or maybe you couldn't find the words? Or maybe you just knew they wouldn't listen if you said something to them? I do pretty often, and what I normally do is right them a letter. Usually the letters go into the trash instead of the post, but the thoughts there or something, eh? And sometimes I actually work up the courage to send them. In this case, I'm totally just posting it on my blog on the off chance the person in question might actually read it and take it to heart, because I mean it for the best....

( Dear _________, )

Most of you probably already know, but I am intermittently employed as a Printer Demolition Specialist at a major technology company that uses code names for everything. The problem is that even their code names are confidential, so I've come up with my own code names for everything which ordinarily requires a code name. So lately I've been working for Company Code Name Possum Technologies on Project Code Name How Many Prints Does It Take To Get To The Tootsie Roll Center Of A Laser Printer. They hire me on for short contracts to answer specific questions (usually involving lots of smoke, shrapnel, and maniacally giggling cougars), but I wouldn't be able to tell you exactly how long those contracts were even if they weren't classified, because the questions keep changing. See, Possum Tech is a firm believer in Change (al la our current President) and nowhere is that more clear than in departments like mine where our project requirements, processes, and employment status change on a daily (if not hourly!) basis.
So a couple days ago, they cut my three-week contract down to one week by cutting the number of printers I had to detonate in half. No big surprise there, everyone is cutting costs after all, eh? My co-detonator realized that he'd be unemployed again as soon as his last printer died, so all his printers started becoming really blast-resistant. Possum Tech, in a fit of brilliance I've never yet seen the like of, realized that this was kind of counter-productive, falsifying explosion survivability in order to preserve our job, to they changed our contract to a deadline. Our last printer had to explode tonight. So things returned to normal for the both of us, but they'd forgotten to change the planned obsolescence (Technology Code Name Your Warranty Expired Yesterday) parameters to their new deadline, so one by one my printers self-destructed last night. It was great, because my coworker, who had been detonating slowly in the name of job preservation was inundated by all the work he had to do to catch up, and I was sitting back, relaxing, being paid to keep my one last printer from blowing up (my secret weapon: Technology Code Name The Off Switch).
I guess I really shouldn't gloat about that, but it seemed to be kind of a comeuppance scenario.
On to the More Fun stuff:
There is a big, wall-sized poster at Possum Technologies detailing graphically the relationship between different printers and firmware models and the like. It's really big, really interesting, and so classified only people working on Project Enriching Everyone's Lives Through The Blue Screen Of Death are allowed to look at it. Since it's so sensitive, there's naturally only one logical place to put such a thing: on the lunch room wall so EVERYONE has to not look at it.
It's kind of a breech of security, so don't tell anyone, but a couple months ago when I was working on Project Code Name Same Thing We do Every Night, my two Project managers really were Pinky (Coworker Code Name Narf) and The Brian (Coworker Code Name Irate Brian).
This is an actual error report filed by one of the guys in charge of fixing broken printers. He was later transfered to my department (Demolitions): "[classified, boring technical mumbo jombo basically meaning that he plugged a 110v printer into a 220v heavy duty appliance wall socket] Big Flash. Dead printer. Sad [guys in charge of fixing printers]. Happy Jari." It was pretty awesome. *I*'ve never made a printer do that, even during Project Code Name A Little Plutonium Never Hurt Nobody.
My name tag reads "Jari", but the font is so weird that in the mirror, it totally reads like something Cyrillic. I'm not sure how to print Cyrillic characters in this program or I'd show you, but turn the "ri" into a backwards, dotted "n", the "a" into something more closely resembling a backwards, squared, lower-case Greek Alpha, and square-off (and backwardsify) the "J". I need to figure out how to pronounce that, too.
My name is "Jarrardi". EVERYONE, when they first read it, tries to pronounce it "Jarred" and then their face twists as they try to make the last few letters obey. The result is usually something along the lines of "Jair-ed-day", often with one of those sounds repeated. Most people (myself included) got kind of tired of it, so when the animatronic talking E.T. At the end of the E. T. ride in Disneyland shortened my name to "Jari" (Jar-ee), it just kind of stuck (so much so that I'm slowly working on getting my name legally changed). Of course, now absolutely everyone calls me "Jerry" when they see my name, but I've gotten used to it. There has been only one exception. Ever. Coworker Codename The Only Fox At Possum That Didn't Come Out Of A Printer, when he first saw my nametag, called me Yari. I was so grateful to him, and thought it was such an awesome name, that I'm tempted to adopt it as the official pronunciation. :-3 It's my Code Name, so I'll definitely answer to it!

I owe you all an apology. First, I'm really sorry for disappearing like that and leaving nothing but cryptic, out-of-voice posts to tell where I was. That wasn't really my fault, though, so I'm not all that sorry. I am, however, very sorry that it's taken so long for me to formulate and post a coherent explanation for the events of the past few weeks; my excuse is that I have been a little busy. (Land! Oh my dear, beautiful, solid land! I've missed you so much! *kiss kiss kiss* I promise never ever to leave you again! *thud* *snore*) Here's my explanation:

***Disclaimer: It's taken a lot of carefully sorting through my fragmented memories in order to figure out exactly what happened. The following is a compilation of the observations of myself and others stitched together with a fair bit of guesswork concerning what must have happened in between. Dates and times aren't very precise, and some things may be out of order. You have been warned.***

( It's also very long. Sorry about that. )

I'm still not really sure what the point of this whole trip was--I don't think "looking for cougars" really holds up under close examination. Maybe it was all an experiment in psychological warfare, the kind that isn't legal in US waters. If the military is arming with wailing yodelers we're ALL doomed.

So, umm, after many a long and perilous journey, I have made it back to Idaho. Much thanks to the kind fox who maintained my LJ in my absence (and not so much thanks to the WRP for profiding the same service, however briefly). More news when I recoved. There's a bed around here somewhere, I know it...but the floor won't stay still. :-(

Sorry I haven’t been online in a while, I’ve been captured by what I can only assume is the Wildlife Relocation program. I’ve completely lost track of time and space; all I know for certain is that I am somewhere on the ocean near small, rocky islands. It is very wet and rolling out here, and absolutely miserable. My captors have been interrogating me on deck, but so far I’ve been able to resist them, helped in no small part by the horrible, sickening rocking motion of the boat. Today they attempted to make landfall on one of the islands but were turned away by the indigenous peoples. I managed to escape in the confusion and hide away near the helm where I am writing this. I am making for promising island designated on the navigator’s map as “Isla Nebular”. It shows some signs of civilization on it, and apparently even has an airport, but it also warns of "dragons", so I dunno how up to date this map is. Uh oh, the captain is calling all hands--I need to hide again. I’ll try to update again when I can.

This chronicles the third day of the patrol for Jarrardi.

Apparently, his nonsensical protesting about being seasick easily as we pulled him out of his house for this wasn't just him trying to get out of doing some non-voluntary, non-paying work. We've decided to turn the ship towards a small nearby group of volcanically created islands to let him get some time off of the ship, it should arrive there on the 23rd.

(Due to critical computer error, the automatic updates are suspended. This was written by another individual who was enrolled in the wildlife relocation program.)

This is the second day of Jarrardi's patrol of the Pacific ocean.

During his patrols today, it was asked of him while he was observing the ocean, weather or not he had detected any intruding cougars. His response was a mix between a gurgling and a belching sound. It is unknown weather or not this is a form of feline language not seen before, more study will be done concerning it.

This is a notice regarding the creature known as "Jarrardi".

Due to certain contractual obligations that (SUBJECT NAME HERE) agreed to, (SUBJECT NAME HERE) has been enrolled in emergency wildlife relocation services off the western coast of the continental United States. (SUBJECT NAME HERE) has been enrolled in a two week patrol of the waters and islands in that area to ensure that there are no intruding individuals of (SUBJECT SPECIES HERE) in the area. Records of what transpires during the patrols will be recorded on this journal nightly.


Day 1 on patrol on the Pacific Ocean: (SUBJECT NAME HERE) appears to be adversely reacting to something, has spent time ingesting anti-motion sickness drugs while curled up in a ball.

*** AFF is having a sale this weekend! If you register before 6pm Monday (the 16th), it's only $25! www.allfurfun.com ***
I'm going! Are you? I hope so! It's an awesome convention (I has pictures: www.jarrardi.com/for/cons)! It's May 15th-17th this year in Spokane, Washington, so school shouldn't be a worry -- you have NO EXCUSE not to come! Please let me know if you're gonna be there! Mebbe we can get together and do somehting!

*big hugs* Hope to see yah there!